happy birthday my sweet girl.

hello fine shyt. i dont really know how to start this off so i'm just gonna word vomit and hope it makes sense. today is your BIRTHDAY which is a very important event! i wish i could be there to celebrate it with you in person, but unfortunately that is not possible at the moment. so i hope this digital present will suffice instead(even though i want to do more). i began work on your present about a month ago. i told my friends about your birthday and they created some artwork that i really hope you like. this website itself was made about a week ago. i would've put more effort into it had i had the time and skill...id even considered creating a video game with the gifts in it(like Not Lucid) but i wasn't sure if your chromebook could run it. so i went with this option instead. HOPEFULLY neocities hasn't decided to shit on me and made the image files unavaliable. but i'll just send the images of the presents if so. anyways...

to be honest, i'm not really sure how to write out what i'm thinking in a way that will properly convey my feelings. i've never been very good at that. and saying cliche things feels fake and annoys me. not to say that if i said these things id be lying, i wouldn't, moreso that they wouldn't encapsulate the extent of what i am trying to get across. but this is your day, not mine, so i'll say what i can anyways. first, i love you. but you already knew that. id still love you even if we werent dating. love is not something that i reserve for people based on status. so even had you not liked me i would have still loved you, and i did. im very happy that you like me too. im very happy we are best friends. it may seem a bit silly, but the fact we are friends at all is more of a shock to me than that you liked me back(it was kind of obvious...), since we met as random internet people. speaking of that i cannot wait until we meet in a little under two weeks. can you believe it? 12 days left. 13 as of the day i am writing this. our date. just two weeks away. can you believe it? anyways. somethings i really like about you is your humor, how you can be serious if needed, just everything about how we talk to eachother. you are my best friend. im really glad we met. can you imagine if you'd never responded to my dm? sometimes i wonder why you did that. or i wonder how i got the courage to dm you in the first place. but it doesn't matter since that's in the past.

being friends with you has taught me patience. a lot of it. i always wanted to hang out with you right now, but you didn't want to because you were afraid. even if i didn't know why at the time, i still waited. i was never going to give up on that dream of hanging out and seeing you one day. being your friend made 11th grade pass by quickly which i am really grateful for. it also made it fun. i remember id always talk about you to my friends when school was still in session- i'm sure they weren't surprised that we began dating. it felt(and still feels!) like you're the only thing i want to talk about. besides ranfren. i really like ranfren if you couldnt tell. if someone asks me about my day i feel like i wanna talk about you instead. because talking to you is the highlight of my day. im so glad i told my parents about you. im so glad my friends like you. im so glad that you are in my life. i know our relationship is silly...i mean, it started because of sae itoshi and instagram. but that doesn't matter. it doesn't matter how it began, only how it is going. and i'd say its going pretty damn well. i want to continue being someone you can rely on. i want you to know that i'll always listen to you and try to help as best as i can. even if im always saying "STOPIT" and "kfhjdjkfs" when you compliment me, i hope you can see that it's not me pushing away your affection. i just get embarassed and don't want to respond with a paragraph like this whole letter every time. feelings and interactions suck. autism or whatever

i feel i can talk to you about anything. do you know how freeing that is? anything that happens, i want to share to you. that's my first thought always. i hope it can be like that for you as well. i know i've said that so many times. that you can talk to me. but i want to hammer it in. you're such a kindhearted person. i want you to know that and to value yourself like i value you. and i hope we can be even more cringe together. do you want to be cringe? i like being cringe. i also like you. and i like how we have our own song. i can't listen to that song without thinking of you. i also love how we have characters/ships that represent us too. nagireo for life. even though i think i can act more like reo at times. but that isn't relevant as of now.

love, alex